The Binge – Original Foam Fingers (Pink)

Hi, come on in, have a seat. You’re probably noticing everyone who loves you arrayed on this floral print motel furniture. We’re here because we love you and your hands are embarrassingly small. Today we’re giving you an ultimatum: purchase TWO LARGER HANDS or you’re totally dead to all of us. Hang on, your mom Sheila wants to say something. Sheila: “Mark” (your name is Mark.) “When you have small hands it brings shame to me, your dead dad, and all of our pets.” Stop running from your problems, Mark. Buy TWO BIG HANDS.